Beacon Quarterly Checks in with Past Contributors
Beacon Quarterly is not just a magazine, it’s a worldwide network of creative writers and artists, so in light of what is going on in the world, we decided to reach out to past contributors and ask them how they were doing. A virtual check-in, because it’s nice to feel like you aren’t the only one going through this. We asked them to talk about how they are feeling during this time and to include a picture of their work from home set up and of what they see out their window. We at Beacon hope this helps everyone to not feel so alone.
Yessica Klein
Berlin, Germany
I think I'm OK. Here in Berlin, we are still allowed to go out to exercise and even walk with one other person that we don't live with, as long as we keep 1,5m away from each other. Physically and creatively, everything is OK - I secretly enjoy not going out for drinks and stay in bed reading instead. Of course this is only the beginning and I might regret saying this... Mentally, it's been a bit of a roller-coaster, and I miss my family and friends a lot, especially the ones in Brazil. Taking my meditation practice very seriously and letting go of all control. It's a challenge.
My wfh situation is a wall full of ideas, tea and some pictures to make me smile throughout the day. We can do this <3
Elizabeth Atherton
Los Angeles, California
www.elizabethathertonletters.com
My name is Elizabeth Atherton. I'm a writer and artist living in Los Angeles.
Thankfully, I have some consuming projects this spring. I was already engaged in these before the shutdown hit LA; my daily schedule does not look significantly different during quarantine to how it looked in the weeks before. I am writing about minotaurs and lamassus and lambs of God in art. My mind is totally occupied with animals that are humans. I look at beautiful art every day and I dream about it too.
Money is a challenge. I make my living as a freelance writer in the world of professional beauty; with the cancellation of two important springtime conventions, I and many other people in Beauty have lost significant financial opportunities that we had been counting on. My heart goes out in particular to all the stylists who had hired models, booked styling spaces and otherwise invested in the cons. That is money they will not be getting back. As a side note, please remember to reach out to your hairstylists, aestheticians and dermatologists. Let them know how much their expertise means to you and that you are thinking of them. They are suffering tremendous financial hardship right now.
Here in Los Angeles it has been gray and rainy. An early June Gloom. This is a good thing. The bougainvillea beside my place are absolutely humming with color. If you listen close, they sound like a coke machine.
Serena Braida
London, England
They say they’re only going in to do the shopping — says the woman at the top of the queue to no one in particular; But then they actually go to the post office as well!
There’s no hope for us! Interrupts another woman who is wearing technicolour spanxs.
It’s not ON! the first one barks at the impassible, gloved and masked security staff regulating the flux of customers by the supermarket entrance.
The chalkboard with drawings of oysters and lobsters bangs on the ground again. It’s windy today.
Going to the shop is an upsetting experience. I bought an avocado to make guacamole and felt like a criminal.
My days seem to be shrinking. Yesterday I read Alan Badiou on the Verso blog arguing that this situation is not particularly exceptional, and invoking reason. Calls against having to be productive during a pandemic make me a bit uncomfortable because I am under a big deadline, and working towards online lectures after the Easter break. I nervously like a lot of tweets.
My brother and I have started a Stephen King bookclub of two; the first randomly selected book was From a Buick 8 but we had to abandon it as it was really quite bad. We’ll read The Long Walk instead, and then watch the film based on it in sync. I want to try make angel food cake.
My entire family in Italy is on a type of lockdown where you can’t really go out, even for a walk. Everyone in their small town has to wear a mask to get into the grocers.
The other day on my solo walk up Primrose Hill, in London, large groups of people seemed to be getting very cozy with other large groups of people. Today a young guy with two terriers was looking at his phone and almost bumped into me.
A gesture so common that felt ancient. The dogs took advantage of the stop to make two poos, one each. The sunlight was rich and glaring and my eyes were burning a little.
Gerard Coletta
Brooklyn, New York
gerardcoletta.com/publications
I'm very, very fortunate that I already work remote in my day job, so I don't have to wrestle with the same material fears and emotional transitions so many people, including a great deal of my friends, are reckoning with right now. But of course it's impossible not to be affected by this crisis, even if I am fortunate and (thus far) healthy. I think we've all heard that factoid about Shakespeare writing Lear in quarantine ad nauseum, and subconsciously I think a lot of creatives feel like this should be the perfect time to create, but it's more complicated than that. I myself am fairly extroverted, drawing a lot of my creative energy through interacting with others, so spending time alone is a double-edged sword. I'm definitely trying to figure out what it means to be truly alone for long stretches, and how to adapt my process to it, and it'll likely take a lot longer before I find anything resembling an answer. In the meantime, though, I hope to keep using my energy to be whatever kind of support I can to my friends and community, even if we can't be in personal contact just yet.
Anthony Azekwoh
Lagos, Nigeria
Where I live, Lagos, is normally alive in a way no one can properly explain. It’s just something you know, and feel, but for the first time in my life, the state that never sleeps is actually resting and inside, all activity dying down. I’ve personally been a bit lost with all the free time I’ve had on my hands and with the lockdown starting this week, I’ve decided to start writing my fifth book—to get some kind of structure in my days.
Hanna Brandt
Sheridan, Oregon
@weekend_hat
This is the first time in my adult life that I haven’t been working, studying, or traveling. It’s surreal to have gone from being fully employed, mobile, and social to struggling to structure and fill my days. I can’t seem to focus on the task of writing, or really any creative endeavor I hoped to devote more time to in isolation. Despite all these changes, I’m starting to accept that, try as I might to will things in or out of existence, I have no control over the crisis at hand. I don’t know what the future holds, or how far away that future is, but for now I’m lucky to have back roads to walk on and a shelf of old DVDs to watch.
Eunique Deeann
Leucadia, California
It’s interesting how the world outside can shift so drastically but if you’re in your zone internally, not much changes. Mentally, emotionally, physically - I am good. Content.
As an artist, a writer, a freelancer - I’m familiar with chaos, uncertainty, inconsistency. I’ve learned in a lot of ways to float with the waves rather than to try to fight them. And right now, I’ve been using this time that feels a bit like groundhog day movie to dive deeper into my creative exploration + bring some projects I’ve been spinning on to life. I have a digital submission based project called INTERCONNECTED that goes live on Sunday.
I want to provide others a space to feel open to be honest, raw, and seen. A sense of connection beyond the physical distancing and the fears of uncertainty. Even in the simplicities or complexities of the repetitiveness and changes happening right now. Each day I’ll put up a new question to check in and allow people to submit one time or every day for as many times as they’d like. I’ll share the stories on my Instagram + website on Sundays so that others can read them, check in with the global community and ideally find a sense of whatever they’re seeking as they continue exploring their own layers while we social distance in self isolation.
All of my work is based on the breakdown of connection. Exploring + expressing how we connect. With ourselves. With others. With the world. My focus right now in this moment in time is to have something to look back on and know that I was able to continue to support + impact how we human in a positive way by staying true to my integrity of connecting deeper with myself + holding space for others to do the same. I may not be able to take photos + create art how I was before for a bit, but for me, it’s about empowering others to find comfort in being seen. And I can still do that a million different ways.
Alexandra Gómez
Portland, Oregon
hello,
i hope you’re well.
entering in my third week of quarantine.
missing touch, ate a payaya, holding my heart somewhere near the window for fresh air.
this is just to check-in.
i’ve been making the coffee my friend brought back straight from colombia. i dance a lot and stay up too late. my thoughts get more unkind as the evening blackens.
my mom calls me most days- she’s on the frontlines.
she’s anxious and scared and her birthday is next week.
if you want you can send her flowers.
(she’s an aries, you know she’d like it)
it’s not bad, but it is hard to feel in spoonfuls.
i have a home and am able to stay in it.
there are flowers along the walkway.
that is victory enough.
“I have horrible dreams of you getting sick. I don’t want you to be alone. I drive the five hours to just sit outside your front door. I don’t think I ever stop crying.”
i tell mom that i am okay. i don’t tell her that i think about it too.
i find my cravings to be so far beyond what my little body can provide:
another’s touch
a mother’s gaze
the smell of abuelita’s habichuelas
the intimacy of believing ‘soon’
my unemployment acceptance arrived today.
art, music, and tiger king have helped. carole baskin definitely killed her husband.
mostly self-portraits right now, understanding space and negotiating the structure of my day with light. i both have all and no control.
belly breaths and trading morning literature with lusi. currently reading Cannibal by Safiya Sinclair. Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi is on the nightstand.
i suppose we are all relearning connection. deconstructing the self to its most essential parts. getting distracted. a little wine drunk. trying to hone it all back in to make sense for someone on the internet. or the mirror. reminding ourselves of reality.
cold, then warm, then burning your legs in a bath that steams.
a memorial to those that died alone. waiting.
you are steady
or swaying and you have both all and no control.
from mine to yours,
alexandra gómez
Jessica Krebsbach
Mariposa, California
I took this photo last night, at dusk. My daughters are running around the front yard, flush with joy. They had just finished doing karate in the living room via Zoom. It gave them so much energy that they burst from the house into the Spring night like popcorn from a pot. Right now, we are all home. No one is going to work; no one is going to school. The flag that you see in the photo is new. My husband and I hoisted it earlier this month. The pole came with the house, and although we resisted using it for many years, it always felt like a futile effort. A flag pole without a flag is just too sad, too lonely, too undone. We joke that having an American flag in our yard helps us to blend in; it is our cover, part of our Every day American Family look. The truth is, I like having the flag. I enjoy the sound it makes when it flaps in the wind. On sunny days, I sit outside with the kids and listen. It makes me feel like I am at sea. This house has become our ship, and these skies our sea.
Fatima Elmusbahi
Wigan, United Kingdom
I would be lying if I didn’t say that this time out from the usual routine I have wasn’t challenging-believe me it really is! I mean, this halt has prevented me from visiting two countries this month (Switzerland and Malta) and I was really looking forward to it. Let’s just say that celebrating your birthday in-doors, rather than overlooking the Swiss Alps is very disheartening…and definitely did put me out of spirits for a couple of days.
I found that my creativity however, during this time has taken off again. I started drawing, which I haven’t done so in around 2-3 years. I found myself vividly picturing artistic inspiration, which I really wanted to get down on paper. I teamed my drawing bursts up with my Lo-fi Hip-Hop music playlists by ChilledCow; I would highly recommend it to anyone that needs or wants to hone into their work. It’s soothing, yet keeps you alert and motivated. Being under one setting for too long does make me want to take off and dream of places. Especially in terms of reminiscing past occasions and travel trips. My travel writing took a light and really progressed within this quarantine period so far. I managed to write a whole piece on my trips across Italy a couple of months ago, In addition to some mindful pieces of self-value and worth. Practicing daily mindfulness and gratitude within my writing pieces, is another way for me to keep smiling and embrace the positivity that I still hold onto, despite the chaos around the world at present. So up until today, I remain positive and my creative spirit is very much intact, gearing for its next adventure!
In terms of mental health, I would say that I definitely did take a hit and went into a period where I caved into myself. Because I have never been a person who likes indoors for working and creative pursuits. I like train journeys, cafes and vibrant cities to inspire me and make me feel alive. Therefore, obviously the staying at home aspect affected my creative outputs for a few days in the beginning and made me just want to lay in bed and watch Netflix all day…However, I found just reconnecting with myself in terms of eating well, training, yoga, meditation and general pampering (like face masks when I read a book), lifted my spirits and reminded me why I do what I do. I always remind myself that it’s okay to feel out of spirits and want to take a break from my creative pursuits, because they will always be there waiting for me when I need them. Self-giving time is a must and makes you realise that being human, a break is needed to feel sane! You just need to appreciate what you are, and what you do and everything does piece itself together in good time. This Corona chaos has given us the gift of time and exposure to use it for ourselves-I don’t plan to waste that. I want to use it to make me feel alive and feed my soul along the way. Because what is life, if you do not feel alive and feed it with the soul food that you need?
Quentin Norris
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
At the moment, there are a lot of strange things going on in the bubble of my writing habits. On top of the current pandemic we’re going through, my girlfriend and I recently moved back to my college town of Winston-Salem. The move itself has gone as smoothly as one could go at a time like this, but I’ve found myself having to completely restructure my writing habits as we adapt to our new location. Things are going well though, as for the first time in a while I have an office space where I can work on writing projects every morning. There’s a lovely view of the downtown area and it’s really helping me use my writing time as a way to cope with the mental and emotional stress of the current outside world. Hopefully, through these secluded times set away for just writing, I’m creating content that can help make the world feel less weighty for everyone else as well.
Jessy Easton
Waynesville, North Carolina
On a mental level, the biggest thing that is getting me through this time of isolation and uncertainty is meditation. Every morning before I take on whatever the day has (or doesn't have) for me, I sit and attempt to quiet my mind. Books by Jack Kornfield have helped guide me through the meditation practice, along with the Waking Up app by Sam Harris. Reading and writing have also helped me on a mental and creative level. Reading takes me to other worlds that I wouldn't otherwise be able to access, and writing can do the same thing. Having writing and storytelling as a creative outlet has given me purpose even if it only lasts until the end of the page. I've made commitments to myself when it comes to my art and that has kept me from falling into the well of discouragement. Every week I release a video on IGTV from my Words After Dark series and I'm also sending out copies of my book of creative nonfiction, From the Dust. Being able to connect with people on a deeper level through art has helped keep me sane as the world feels like it's been turned upside down. On a physical level, I've been exercising at home, doing free yoga videos from doyogawithme.com and running around the yard with my four black dogs. It's the little things, the tiny moments that I often wouldn't even notice, that are helping me through this time. The sound of the birds, the sun shining, the pen to the page, the scent of books, the taste of coffee upon waking—tiny gifts of air.
Abigail Swanson
Seattle, Washington
Over the last few weeks, I lost my job, I have had multiple serious bipolar episodes, I lost a childhood friend, I sprained my ankle, I got stitches in my left hand (keeping me from playing guitar), all of the projects I hoped to tend to have gone untouched, I lost my car keys, I haven’t written a single goddamn thing. . . I have been confronting some heavy unconscious psychological shit that I've consciously disregarded for years. A recent categorically bad psychedelic trip revealed to me that I have felt silenced and squelched by my environment—mentally, emotionally, socially, economically, romantically, creatively (all of the -lys). I plan on changing that as soon as I possibly can; as soon as all of this is over.
All in all, though (at the risk of sounding trite) I know that I will be okay—that we will be okay—because we have each other. I won’t give in to despair if you won’t. Deal?
Carlie Hoffman
Brooklyn, New York City
I've been in shock for a bit, as I'm sure a lot of people are right now. Being able to continue teaching my poetry classes has been a touchstone. I try to read and write on the days I'm not teaching, but sometimes I get fixated on the news and can't do anything. I keep oscillating between disgust for Zoom and social media and appreciation for Zoom and social media. When my anxiety about not having a job this summer and not being able to pay my bills this summer becomes unbearable, I try to listen to music or watch something funny on Netflix, like Seinfeld. This doesn't make it better, but the distraction helps. Loss of work and financial uncertainty is a terrifying reality for many people right now. Recently, I was invited to create a writing prompt/lecture for a teaching resource program, which will keep my mind steady for a bit. Reading poems every day is a beacon. But I am worried and anxious.
